And life continues, even when I'm not online

Whelp, I had the baby. Were you wondering? After a long six month hiatus, you might have thought I was the first human to experience a fourth and fifth trimester (I think it's silly how they call the first three months the fourth trimester). I know that there are many women who can birth a baby and continue life and blogging and such as if it were just a little hiccup in their schedule, but that is not me. Baby boy came into my life and changed it for the better but it hasn't always been easy. So here I start again, continuing to settle into this new life and motherhood and finding my new normal. Hopefully including updating this old blog thing a bit more.

Mr. Man was born early, by C-section in February. I went in for a normal weekly checkup and left with plans for a possible C-section. The midwife felt he was huge (possibly 10 lbs or more) and I still had two weeks to go until his due date and four weeks until they would induce if I were to go natural. I wasn't dilated and he hadn't descended at all either, so her best guess was that nothing would be happening anytime soon. She had another midwife double check her work, as well as the doctor/potential surgeon. Yes indeed, I was massive and baby was big. So I ended up in surgery and although it wasn't the plan, he was there safe and sound, all 9 lbs. 2 oz. of him. Only now, the farther out I get from the birth the more I wish it had happened differently. But, that's another story for another day.

Obviously I can't sum up everything that happened in the last six months in a few paragraphs. The first several weeks were very fuzzy due to recovery from surgery and dealing with a baby that woke up every two hours to eat (partially my fault, as I put him on that schedule per someone's advice at the hospital and didn't realize he could come off of it once he had gained back his original weight). 

Once I had really started to heal, it was still incredibly cold out and we didn't really venture out much. I was a bit of a nervous nelly with letting others do anything with the baby and didn't want help, but really needed it. It's been an adventure. Around three months things started really getting better and at six months now, I'm starting to enjoy myself. It's been the most difficult, rewarding, frustrating, anxiety inducing, precious six months.

Well that felt good, writing again. If even only for a few minutes. I think the library and its quietness is going to be my new best friend. 

T Minus 10 Days

Baby is due in 10 or so days. I realize that this time table doesn't mean anything for him, but it means being close to the end of this season for me. I have to admit, I'm tired. I'm sore and tired. I'm sore and tired and I'm so over all the little things my body isn't doing that it should or is doing that it shouldn't. I'll spare you all the gory details. I understand now why pregnant women say they are done or ready for it to all be over or VACATE THE PROPERTY KID. I couldn't understand that a few months back. Back when the bump was of manageable size. Also back when it wasn't a whole production to just roll over in bed at night. Beached whale doesn't quite even describe it. While I do still love and very much enjoy feeling the baby move about in there and how easy it is to take care of him at this point, it's just getting to be a burden to go about my every day life. You know, like basic life tasks like walking or bending over. Also fitting into booths at restaurants or thinking I can fit through a space when I clearly cannot (not embarrassing at all, as you can imagine).

Yet, no matter how ready I am physically, I'm still not sure if I'm ready mentally. I know once he's here I'll love him to pieces and will say things such as, "I can't recall what life was like without him" or gooey over-exaggerated statements like those. I'm just a bit, nervous. Being up at all hours of the night, breastfeeding, diaper changes, living my life around a little persons needs. Getting to know this little guy. It seems so different from what I'm used to. Beyond that I think my biggest fear is losing the time I'm used to one on one with my husband. I love my hubby and after being married for almost 8 years, I'm very comfortable with how things are. Not the bad comfortable either. The nice comfortable, where you know each other in and out and consider each other best friends. The person you still can't wait to see at the end of the day. My travel buddy, to explore new places with and create memories with. I know everything will be better than I had imagined once I get to the other side of it and see it. Right now though, it just seems a big daunting.

I do find it funny though, how many relatives and friends are coming out of the woodwork just to check in on me and make sure I'm still gestating. I can't even count how many e-mails and texts I've gotten that go to the tune of, "No baby yet?". NOPE. NO BABY. Believe me, I'll let you know when it happens.

On that note, I need to go get more things in order. We need hand sanitizer up in here. And food. And crap. Lots of other crap.