Monday, November 25, 2013

The Dreaded Christmas List

I love the holidays. I love this time of year (minus the weather) with Thanksgiving and Christmas and family get togethers. Hot chocolate and cozy fires and the lights and decorations for the season. Not to mention the food. Fooooood! It always goes by faster than I want it to. This year I'm taking two whole weeks of vacation and I'm really looking forward to this last stretch of time off before the baby is here.

There is one thing though that I always put off because I can't stand doing it. My Christmas List. Remember when you were a kid and the list was a mile long and you had endless ideas of what to add to it? Anything you saw on TV was cool and whatever your friends were asking for you also had to have. Then you became a teenager and the list either became UBER particular or was all clothes, because it was the only time of the year you could ask for brand name jeans (No? Just me?). Now as an adult I still have parents, in-laws, friends, extended family etc. asking me what I'd like but I'm stuck on what to tell them. Honestly, if the item isn't too expensive I'll just go out and get what I need for myself. If it's really expensive, I'll save up and get it later. I don't expect my family and friends (besides my husband, he still gets to throw down money on me) to buy me anything that's pricey. So I sit there, every year without fail, surfing the Internet trying to come up with ideas for things I could possibly want that I didn't know I wanted. Here is how the making of the list normally goes:

1. Add on random household items we've been too lazy to purchase on our own or have broken and not replaced yet.
2. Try to think of all the jewelry, purses, random girly things I've seen my friends or co-workers with that I've thought were cute.
3. Delete random household items because those are boring to buy and receive and I'll just purchase them for myself later. Maybe. Probably not.
4. Look at incredibly generalized top 100 gift giving lists online for inspiration. Realize they are not inspiring at all.
5. Ask hubby for ideas for myself. Get frustrated when he can't write my list for me. Isn't he supposed to KNOW ME more than I know myself?
6. Add items that don't actually fit me or my personality because I can change, I will wear more makeup, I will dress nicer, I will be a new me next year.
7. Add things I really do want but that are expensive and then feel guilty asking for them, so remove them right away.
8. Send out list to everyone and sigh because I've put way too much thought into it and I don't really know if I really want the items on it or not anymore.

Thus commences the making of the Christmas List. Just in time for the New Year's Resolution List (of fail).

Friday, November 15, 2013


I don't really mean to be turning this into a pregnancy/mommy blogger type blog but when life hands you lemons...

I'm almost 27 weeks. I can't explain the time warp continuum fast/slow movement that is going on but it's all flying by me so fast and yet, can you believe I still have a whole trimester to go yet? (I keep trying to write semester, seriously, every time). Like, there should be at least 10 weeks at the very earliest before I want this little guy here? Then again, ahhhhhhh, don't come yet we still have so much we need to buy, and fix around the house and places we need to go and all. the. things. we need to do. The baby shower is in 22 days. I'm thinking after that whole shindig I'll be feeling a bit better in the what I need to buy department. Stay tuned.

In other pregnancy news, it's crazy how much I can feel him move now versus when I thought I was feeling him jump around lots a month ago. Occasionally he'll hit an organ and it's actually uncomfortable. While I sit at work or at home I can watch my stomach jump around out of my peripheral vision. I grab hubby's hand as many times as I can during the evenings and weekends because I want him to see just how active he is. Can you believe how much your son is beating me up already? Plus it's not just kicks I'm feeling. I'm not sure if he's stretching or pushing out or what, but I'll feel this extreme pressure in some part of my stomach and I can feel with my hands a hard lump in that area. If he's feeling cramped now, just wait little guy for what you have to deal with later. That's not a threat, just, a warning I guess. A while ago I was feeling him flip, which was like the feeling you get when you are on a roller coaster and about to lose your lunch, minus the actual lunch losing part. I'm looking forward to and worried about the next time I feel that.

I know I won't do it justice explaining it but you can't believe how special all these ordinary things really are. Very much day by day normal but memories in the making as well. I am feeling my son MOVE. Before I ever see him and meet him, I know his patterns. I will know him longer than anyone else on this world will. It's a comforting little jab here and thump there. "Hi baby!", I'll say when we are having a little moment together. Each time it starts up it's a reassurance he's just as he should be, healthy and growing. It's our own special communication, baby morse code style. Sharing my body with someone at first really freaked me out and if I think really hard on it, still kind of does. I mean, there's another HUMAN INSIDE ME. Living! But at the same time, how crazy, awesome, cool is it that my body is producing a child. A very complicated process it just knows how to take care of on it's own, without me telling it what to do. A week or two ago I had a day where I really wasn't feeling much movement. It was light and then not there for a long time. Fear grew in my heart in a matter of minutes. Was something wrong? How can I care so much for this person I've never met yet? I was about to the point of tears and called the midwife to see what I should do. (Of course as it always seems to happen for me, as soon as I hung up after leaving a message I started to feel quite the series of kicks). Those kicks become more and more important to me each day. I can't even imagine what it will be like in another month. And having a whole child to take care of my very own. WHOA.